my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
