I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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