They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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