Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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