you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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