So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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