If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
