you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All I want is dick and wine.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
