i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
