Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
