I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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