a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize