Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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