In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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