HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
