i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
