So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
