Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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