I'm so fucking centered right now
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
