last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
