when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
