She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize