do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
