Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
