I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
