Christians are straight up FREAKS
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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