Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
