The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
