My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
