Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
