I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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