i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
