Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You are a genius and a whore.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
