I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
