Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
