Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
