The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
