She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize