Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
