I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
