I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
