sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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