My cat gives me a boner
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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