i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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