dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
