I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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