where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
