Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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