I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
