I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
