Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
