Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
