Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
