and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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