when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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