On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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