There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
