Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
