you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
