I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
