just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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