Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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