I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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