Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
